Reflections on the June 2014 Residency
Ask my past undergrad self about his vision of grad school, and he would say, “I don’t know. A lot of work, but similar to what I’ve been doing for the past couple of years.” Ever since I declared my degree in English and decided medicine wasn’t my jam, I knew I’d attend grad school. I thought of it as a more rigorous version of my creative writing degree, and I thought I’d become this master of craft, this magician who knew language so intimately that its magic was lost in the complete understanding of how it all works.
I like to go to bed early, so I can get up early. I fall asleep in movie theaters, watching TV, reading, working on homework at about ten o’clock. Last night, though, in this wonderful program I am in, in this program that isn’t magic camp for poets, I stayed up late to talk about words. Conflux. Conflux and confluence. And these weren’t words in a piece of literature we were reading. There wasn’t any assignment or paper or thesis to be written. We just stayed up trying to find words that defined this MFA program. Wouldn’t Writer’s Retreat work? Or isn’t the name of the program (Oregon State University-Cascades Low Residency MFA in Creative Writing) enough? And who really cares about naming the program? It doesn’t matter that much, right?
It does. And here in this program I am surrounded by people who feel similarly, who stay up with me to think about names and words that work as nouns and verbs and exude some of the essence of the high desert and the mountains of Central Oregon while also really capturing the community that is here.
I have been asked why this program? To be honest, it was the one program that accepted my application, and initially I asked myself, “What have I gotten into?” But now, I can’t think of any place I’d rather be writing or working as a writer or participating in the community of writers. I still feel like I am in magic camp, but every trick taught doesn’t lessen the magic–it adds to it, heightens it until we cannot help but stay up late to talk about words.
It’s 6:28 am, and the senior citizens are making their rounds, around and nowhere in particular, except inside the perimeter of Kahala Mall before the vendors open shop, before the consumers peruse shelves of randomness to fill their homes with more stuff. It’s day five of being home, which means living a vastly different lifestyle than with the writers’ community.
Before I flew up for my second residency, I didn’t understand why we’d visit a rodeo or run around a lake–but I get it. We went to be, to be among each other and live together without lines of hierarchy, with playful trust and tempting risks. We utilized ten days to build a caring community to set tables, wash kale and chop onions, to learn crossfit or ballet stretches. I remember these moments more so than my lecture notes on polyphony, starting with voice, lineation, hibun, dog-lefting a sentence, and vertical interrogations.
I think ten or fifteen years from now, Akua willing, one day I will be speed walking these same rounds, around and nowhere in particular, except the inside of Kahala Mall. I will see in my peripheral vision a younger woman sitting at the center tables, typing away passionately on some new techno gadget I haven’t had the time to learn, and I will imagine she’s an aspiring writer, maybe an MFA student, but she won’t be like me. She will have none of the nourishing foundation and support nor memories of stomach crunches in skirts or learning the secrets to a good roasted bell pepper dressing or hearing the crunch of gravel beneath her shoes when she walks to the Great Library for classes. But one can hope.
One can hope that future MFA programs will be innovative and holistic, daring and purposeful in whimsy.
Thanks, Austin and Shareen. You are very much missed. I think, maybe, I am gradually starting to allow my post-residency self to enter back into its (former) society. I think. But frankly, I haven’t the faintest and the weather’s just phenomenally tumultuous and nourishing here right now. So I suppose that’s where I’m at, I’m at the chaotic open mouth of some weathery aftermath. Thank you for adding to the changes within the whole.